This article was reviewed by Chris Singer, CFP®.
The Baby Boomer generation is advancing in age and care needs, causing Canada’s population to age rapidly. Because of this, the discussion around affordable elder care, access to assisted and full-care facilities, and grants for adult children acting as caregivers, is becoming increasingly necessary.
While this is a nation-wide issue, we can begin to make positive change in our own homes by planning ahead and having open, compassionate conversations with our parents about their needs and wishes.
Exploring their care preferences, understanding medical needs, organizing finances, and taking proactive steps can turn uncertainty into a plan, one that is rooted in compassion and respect that helps your parents age with dignity, and bolsters your wellbeing as the caregiver.
Caregiving for senior parents can have a significant impact on the emotional and financial wellbeing of adult children, so it’s not just about making preparations for your parents, but preparations for yourself as well.
For those who find themselves in the increasingly common “Sandwich Generation” where you find yourself still raising your own children while caring for your elderly parents, this can be a particularly tricky time. But with planning and a solid support system, it can also be a time of immense fulfillment and family connection.
Conversations with your parents are also a good reminder to ensure your own affairs are in order and to begin having similar conversations with your own children. Normalizing these topics makes it easier for everyone to receive the care they need and want in their senior years.
Planning Ahead + Important Conversations
The resistance we all feel to having end-of-life conversations is understandable, but having them is vital to ensuring everyone receives the care they need and want, and that caregiver role are supported. It also helps to alleviate stress and confusion when the inevitable arises. Through compassionate conversation, senior parents are given peace of mind, and caregiving adult children are empowered to make decisions regarding their parents’ care.
Ensuring your parents (and you) have a will, a power of attorney, a representation agreement, and an advanced care directive is a recommended first step. These documents provide clarity on:
- Management of finances and assets.
- Who is responsible for ensuring care wishes are executed.
- Provides details of the terms of care they would and would not like to receive.
Once these documents are created, it’s important to ensure the power of attorney and the executor of your and your parents’ will all have copies. It is also important to have family conversations to review these documents to help ensure everyone is on the same page, reducing the potential for tension and disagreements in the future.
Financial Planning
Hopefully, your parents have sound financial planning that will provide them with the support they need as they age. Care services can be costly, as can assisted living facilities. While the equity in their home can be used towards their care once they’ve moved and their home is sold, it’s important to not solely rely on these funds. If your parents do not have adequate savings, their care will need to be included into your own retirement budget.
As part of the sandwich generation, it’s likely that you are currently planning for, if not just entering, your own retirement as you assist your parents in planning for the next phase of their life. Ensuring you have a solid financial plan for your retirement that takes into consideration the impact of caring for your parents’ is important. When making your financial plans, here’s a few things to consider:
- Care costs—from nursing to meal services.
- Housing costs—from home-modifications for aging in place, to monthly cost of assisted living facilities.
- Reduced work hours for caregivers—particularly for women, who are often caregivers, taking care of your parents may require you to take time off work.
Grants and financial aid may be available to you as the caregiver, though currently neither B.C. nor Canada offers much in the way of financial assistance—all the more reason to have a solid financial plan.
Getting an understanding of your parents’ finances, as well as their care wishes, will allow you to budget should they need your assistance in covering medical, housing, or other care expenses.
Living Arrangements
As our parents age, their housing needs change. While many may be able to age-in-place by making some minor modifications to their home, you and your parents may also be looking at other options, including:
- Options for downsizing to a smaller home with amenities and features that allow for aging in place
- Generational housing where your parents come to live with you, potentially in an in-law suite
- In-home nurse or respite care
- Retirement homes and communities
- Assisted living facilities with advanced care capabilities
Accepting their limitations and moving out of their home is often a sensitive time for seniors, so it’s important to approach these conversations with compassion. It can be hard to know when it’s time to move into a care home, but by keeping the lines of communication open, monitoring your parents’ health, and having a plan in advance that relieves their concerns, can ease the transition for everyone.Eventually, your parents may need more care than you can provide, at which point they may need to move into an assisted living, or care facility. Assisted living and care facilities often have long waiting lists and while many seniors often want to avoid thinking about moving into a care facility until it becomes necessary, it is best to get your parent’s name(s) on the waiting list sooner than you may think is necessary. Touring these facilities and making your parents part of the selection process can help them be more accepting of, if not excited about moving to a retirement home.
Helpful Services
If your parents would like to age in place as long as possible and they are physically and cognitively able to do so safely, there are many services available that can help them (and you!) live comfortably in their own home.
- Grocery delivery services.
- Meal prep and delivery services.
- Lawn care services.
- House cleaning services.
- In-home care providers.
These services can prolong your parents’ ability to stay at home, but they do come at a cost. It’s important to include these services in a projected monthly budget, while also considering how these services can be positively impactful to you, the caregiver.
Self-Care
Being a caregiver to your elderly parents can be emotionally challenging—it’s important to remember to take care of yourself. If you have siblings who live nearby, consider arranging a schedule of care to lessen the overall burden on any of you. There are also options for part-time care providers and respite care programs that can offer you some assistance and a little break. Check for listings in your local area for senior programming and care assistance.
You may find joining a support group can help with the complex feelings likely to arise during this time. Being a caregiver is incredibly rewarding and it is also challenging. Having the support of friends and family is wonderful, but you may consider looking into a therapist, or even an end-of-life doula who can offer professional support and guidance.
As the saying goes, you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help others put on theirs. Caregiving for our elderly parents has its challenges, so it’s important to care for yourself so you don’t burnout—a common issue for caregivers. Make sure you are creating time to take care of yourself and participate in activities you enjoy, as well as time to connect with friends and other family members who uplift you.
Aging and mortality are universal experiences. Caring for our elderly parents can be a rewarding part of the circle of life. We do our best to prepare for having children—ensuring we are mentally and financially as equipped as we can be before starting families of our own. While you can never be one hundred percent ready, you can do your best. The same can be said for taking care of your parents—while it may not be easy, it can be rewarding, and the more you all prepare in advance, the easier the journey may be.